![]() ![]() For all the manufactured silliness and drama, this show is at its best when it’s showing us real, relatable romantic conflict.īut speaking of silliness and drama, Kylee runs after Blake, which confuses everyone. We’ve all been there! But Blake is 33 and can tell when someone’s just not that into him. She wants to be in love and she tried to strong-arm her way into it. ![]() But I do think that Jess’s feelings are just kind of indicative of what it’s like to date in your early 20s. I talk a lot about the complicating factor that these contestants are being paid per episode, so finding a “connection” is as much about staying around for another week as it is about finding love. She says she feels like a bad person, which she is not, and that she “just wanted to be in love,” which is exactly right. Which makes Jesse Palmer … Virgil, I guess? The devil? My main experience with The Divine Comedy comes from Dan Brown’s Inferno.Īnyway, Blake decides to leave, which sends Jess spiraling. My new theory is that Playa Escondida is purgatory. It’s impossible to know how long we’ve been on this beach or how much longer we’ll be trapped here. He tells us we’re “close to the end,” which was news to me. Seeing his ex-fiancée again reminded Blake of what real love feels like, and it’s not trying to convince a 24-year-old covered in glitter to go steady. Ah, yes, this was all Katie Thurston’s fault. It’s been two weeks since we left Blake and Jess mid-breakup, and I had to shake off some lingering turkey fog to remember what happened here. Let’s enjoy this respite while we have it, though, and savor the gorgeous golden hour we got this week. LOL JK, BiP was shorter this week to accommodate a two-hour Golden Bachelor finale and will stretch to three fucking hours next week for its own finale. Producers saw my brilliant analysis that The Golden Bachelor is good because it’s shorter and took my sage advice to trim the rest of the shows, too. Do you feel that? That sweet feeling of relief? Of feeling satisfied by an hour-long episode of television that wasn’t bloated beyond all recognition, like a corpse that washes up on the beach and ruins everyone’s vacation? That’s right, y’all, Bachelor in Paradise is a breezy hour this week, and it’s making me feel invincible. ![]()
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